When i heard that I got cancer I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't I was to scared. The day after they started with the cancer treatment. And all I was thinking was what now. Will I die? I was so sad. But I don't want to waste the 2 and a half year (or less if I die) to be sad because all the fun stuff will end and it's the same with bad stuff. And nobody let me die so I got happy that thay believed in me. So the first intensive chemo was over then the summer came it was a good summer and then the last intensive chemo came. So the first and the second treatment was over, then I got such pain in my knees I couldn't sleep that whole night. I was shaking and I wanted to vomit. I was thinking am I gonna die today? So we went to the hospital 5 in the morning. And I got morphine like 11. I was so mad and sad. I did not know what to do until 11. Since that day I couldn't sleep in one month I was awake the whole night. And after that I got diabetes. I was in the hospital for 3 and a half months!!!
And in November I got home. That time I was so sad every night. But not as much now.
When I got cancer I felt so hopeless and my friends did not chat with me as much. That really hurt me because I'm still the same person. And then when I look at old pics, I do not look like me anymore. And I'm bored all day because I want to do stuff but I get tired so fast and I want to be with my friends but I'm afraid I will bore them. so I became depressed did not do anything i wouldn't laugh or smile. I was mad and I just wanted to hit and kick on stuff. And then I lie down in my bed I cry over all the stuff I couldn't do and why I look like this!
Well the chemo is almost over so I start thinking positive like what I should do after the chemo! And I think if u go thru something like this it's one step back but two steps forwards.
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